"Phooooo"
(the sound I make as soon as I am able to escape Ground Zero of the Bathroom Terrorist's unfortunate attack)


Seriously, she strikes on a daily basis. It totally validates my public restroom issues. The smell is so foul, it was once described by a coworker as last week’s "Catch of the Day." If that doesn't express the extent of the nastiness...

Today must have been an extra potent day for her. She wasn't even in there when I went to go but I'll explain. You see, the Bathroom Terrorist can't fit into any stall other than the one designated for the Handicapped. I have hang-ups about not using the Handicap stall unless absolutely necessary, so I usually relieve my poor bladder in the first stall (as in 10 feet from where she had been). I could still smell the stench as if she were right in that stall with me.

Eccchhhhh!!! The last thing I wanted to do was make any sound or open my mouth unnecessarily, lest I might taste that awful odor. So all I could do was wipe and wash as fast as I could with my eyes bugged out, and my body crying to express the abuse that it was experiencing.

To top off her atrocious emnations, she walks around with no shoes on. In the public restroom!!! How can she think that's okay

Simple public restroom etiquette, people --- also applicable in the bathrooms of homes other than your own:

1) First things first: the Courtesy Flush. If you must do #2 in the public arena, at least make the lavatorial experience more pleasant for others. Better yet, bring some of that Vanilla Crème spray with you --- shucks, even Glade will do. In Japan, they even sell these little bottles of drops that you put in the water to make it smell like flowers. Although, my friend Nicole says that it just ends up smelling like flowers and poop.
The Courtesy Flush will also help in preventing those telltale skid marks in the toilet bowl.

2) Do not attempt a conversation on your cell phone when there are other patrons in the room. And seriously, when we can hear you already struggling with your pantyhose, attempting to answer your phone at the same time doesn’t really seem to be a good idea. That’s why voice-mail exists. Multi-tasking should only go so far.

3) Wash your hands! It’s not hard, and it only takes a minute or two. I get the shivers when I’m using the facilities and I hear my neighbor flush, and then simply leave the restroom without even turning on the faucet. Ugh. But if for some reason the act of soaping up and cleaning your hands is just too much for you, at least splash some water on them when there are other people around. It’s more for your sake than theirs, you know…

That’s what I have so say about that. You might think that only men’s restrooms are mini warzones, but believe me --- women are worse sometimes. Now, you’ll have to excuse me because I need to get some fresh air…