I am the designated Cockroach assassin of
my house. For some strange reason beyond my extremely limited mental
capacity, my wife is deathly afraid of a creature that is 1/3000th her
Like a heroic (and sleepy) firefighter I am often awakened to duty by a shriek
or frantic tug at my shirt in the middle of the night. I slowly open
my eyes and find that the woman who can change the worst of our kids 'Post-Prune'
diapers without blinking an eye is petrified in a pointing stance atop the
dresser - afraid of an insect that is crawling on the wall 20 feet away.
My Question: "Why are you scared of
that little thing?"
Her answer: "It'll fly in my hair."
Sometimes she'll go so far as to detain
the roach by placing a cup or one of my kids toys over the roach,
effectively incarcerating it until the executioner (yep, me) is
My Question: "Why don't you just kill it herself instead of
entrapping it for an elaborate death later, Dr. Evil?"
Her Answer: "It's ugly and I don't want to feel it's legs on me."
Local Roach Killing Techniques
um - This is usually my last choice. Raid is both stinky
and toxic to the babies. Try this method for a natural
remedy - Splash Hot Water on the roach. He will instantly
die, and the leftover residue is just water. And no, not all
sprays will kill a cockroach. You know you've tried air
freshener, hairspray or WD40.... That just makes the roaches smell
good, look good, and have less squeaks.
um - A favorite of mine... Less violent, less gory, and really
effective, about the only drawback flushing these guys has is that
it wastes water. If you can time it right maybe you can only
kill roaches when you need to go bathroom.
um - Glue traps (still known in Hawaii as the Hoy Hoy) work
wonders with roaches. Only thing is that you gotta look at
your little roach wax museum for days until it catches enough to
throw away. Bleagh. And, if you're lolo, you can't
really figure this one out anyway.
|Whack um - Rubbah Slippah
time! Local people bust out the Kamaboko's when it comes to
getting rid of roaches. Ever seen a local person kill a
roach with a slipper? They go nuts. Usually, the force
used is about 20 to 30 times more than is typically needed.
But of course, if you've ever tried to kill one of those B52
bombers you know they are very strong. I caught one in my
fist one time and the buggah actually bench pressed my hand open
(true story). Jus' geev um when it comes to the slippah
treatment, and stomp 'um till you hear the satisfying >pop!<
|Eat um - This
method is rarely used on purpose. Ever looked closely at
your platelunch and thought "I didn't order anything with
legs?" It happens, and it's probably happened to you
more times than you know.
Roach Facts you probably didn't really want to know - 9 Better Reasons to
fear a Roach
1. There are 18 different kinds of
roaches in Hawaii, and they all can be found in the back of your favorite
plate lunch place. The most common in Hawaii is the American
cockroach (da B52 Bomber type).
2. Roaches prefer humid, dark places where food is readily available (i.e.
your favorite plate lunch plate).
Females lay their egg cases in dark hiding places. Each egg case
(not Ed Case!) carries about 40 little roach eggs in it. Gestation
time is quick, and the little ones usually hatch at three weeks.
They can put out as much as 8 egg cases in a year.
4. Roaches have been known to live for up to five
years (I wonder how big that buggah gets?)
5. Roaches can live without their heads for up to a
month. (Roaches obviously don't need to think much). Actually, I
know a few humans that have been running around without a head for years.
6. It's hard to starve a roach to death. He'll eat anything,
paste on your envelopes. (Think about that the next time you lick one).
7. A roach tastes with his feet, so when he's walking all over your food
he's actually deciding whether your cooking is palatable.
8. Cockroach droppings aggravate allergies and the insects are known to
carry multiple diseases. Definitely not good house pets or welcome
9. Cockroaches bite... Nasty bites too! If you put your kids down to
bed with food on their mouth or clothes, you are just inviting
trouble. They have also been know to get moisture from sleeping
peoples eyes and noses if they are dehydrated enough. UGGGGGHHH!
next time one of these cockroaches makes an appearance at your home,
you'll know that if you see one, there are probably 47,525 of his closest
relatives lurking behind the walls waiting to avenge him. You mess
with him, you mess with his whole family. And, after reading about
some of the gross factoids about roaches, I think I am starting to see why
my wife is so phobic of these little guys. See you later - I'm off to
buy out the Hoy Hoy roach trap section at Costco.