I am the designated Cockroach assassin of my house.  For some strange reason beyond my extremely limited mental capacity, my wife is deathly afraid of a creature that is 1/3000th her size.

Like a heroic (and sleepy) firefighter I am often awakened to duty by a shriek or frantic tug at my shirt in the middle of the night.  I slowly open my eyes and find that the woman who can change the worst of our kids
'Post-Prune' diapers without blinking an eye is petrified in a pointing stance atop the dresser - afraid of an insect that is crawling on the wall 20 feet away.

My Question: "Why are you scared of that little thing?"
Her answer: "It'll fly in my hair."

Sometimes she'll go so far as to detain the roach by placing a cup or one of my kids toys over the roach, effectively incarcerating it until the executioner (yep, me) is summoned.

My Question: "Why don't you just kill it herself instead of entrapping it for an elaborate death later, Dr. Evil?"
Her Answer: "It's ugly and I don't want to feel it's legs on me."


Local Roach Killing Techniques


Spray um - This is usually my last choice.  Raid is both stinky and toxic to the babies.  Try this method for a natural remedy - Splash Hot Water on the roach.  He will instantly die, and the leftover residue is just water.  And no, not all sprays will kill a cockroach.  You know you've tried air freshener, hairspray or WD40.... That just makes the roaches smell good, look good, and have less squeaks.
Flush um - A favorite of mine... Less violent, less gory, and really effective, about the only drawback flushing these guys has is that it wastes water.  If you can time it right maybe you can only kill roaches when you need to go bathroom.
Stick um - Glue traps (still known in Hawaii as the Hoy Hoy) work wonders with roaches.  Only thing is that you gotta look at your little roach wax museum for days until it catches enough to throw away.  Bleagh.  And, if you're lolo, you can't really figure this one out anyway.
Whack um - Rubbah Slippah time!  Local people bust out the Kamaboko's when it comes to getting rid of roaches.  Ever seen a local person kill a roach with a slipper?  They go nuts.  Usually, the force used is about 20 to 30 times more than is typically needed.  But of course, if you've ever tried to kill one of those B52 bombers you know they are very strong.  I caught one in my fist one time and the buggah actually bench pressed my hand open (true story).  Jus' geev um when it comes to the slippah treatment, and stomp 'um till you hear the satisfying >pop!<
Eat um - This method is rarely used on purpose.  Ever looked closely at your platelunch and thought "I didn't order anything with legs?"  It happens, and it's probably happened to you more times than you know.

Some Roach Facts you probably didn't really want to know - 9 Better Reasons to fear a Roach


1. There are 18 different kinds of roaches in Hawaii, and they all can be found in the back of your favorite plate lunch place.  The most common in Hawaii is the American cockroach (da B52 Bomber type).
2. Roaches prefer humid, dark places where food is readily available (i.e. your favorite plate lunch plate).
3. Females lay their egg cases in dark hiding places.  Each egg case (not Ed Case!) carries about 40 little roach eggs in it.  Gestation time is quick, and the little ones usually hatch at three weeks.  They can put out as much as 8 egg cases in a year.
4. Roaches have been known to live for up to five years (I wonder how big that buggah gets?)
5. Roaches can live without their heads for up to a month. (Roaches obviously don't need to think much).  Actually, I know a few humans that have been running around without a head for years.
6. It's hard to starve a roach to death.  He'll eat anything, including the
paste on your envelopes. (Think about that the next time you lick one).
7. A roach tastes with his feet, so when he's walking all over your food he's actually deciding whether your cooking is palatable.
8. Cockroach droppings aggravate allergies and the insects are known to carry multiple diseases.  Definitely not good house pets or welcome visitors.
9. Cockroaches bite... Nasty bites too!  If you put your kids down to bed with food on their mouth or clothes, you are just inviting trouble.  They have also been know to get moisture from sleeping peoples eyes and noses if they are dehydrated enough.  UGGGGGHHH!


So next time one of these cockroaches makes an appearance at your home, you'll know that if you see one, there are probably 47,525 of his closest relatives lurking behind the walls waiting to avenge him.  You mess with him, you mess with his whole family.  And, after reading about some of the gross factoids about roaches, I think I am starting to see why my wife is so phobic of these little guys.  See you later - I'm off to buy out the Hoy Hoy roach trap section at Costco.